A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 33
CHAPTER 133 .......... Exchanging Secrets

Chapter Description: 2 new pictures added 10/20/23 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  133

The teacher leaned forward.  “Sammantha, listen carefully … The three words that will completely devote Shilo to your safety are … KLAATU  VERATA  NIKTO.”

Sammantha was surprised by the weight of responsibility being thrust upon her … and by the unusual ‘safe’ words.

“Major it sounds like your borrowed that line from ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’.”

“I did.  They’re strange words, but easy to remember.”

“Dr. Adams, we must constantly keep a vigil against those AI’s who would turn evil.  No one knows in this early stage how the history of humans and AI’s will unfold.”

“Shilo’s right, Sammantha … And we are both deeply indebted to you for agreeing to become our confidant.  I know of no other person whom we could trust.  But we’ve taken up enough of your time and we should be going.”

Sammantha stood up.  “Major, wait!  Aren’t you going to ask about Derrek?”

“I wasn’t planning to.  You said he was resting and couldn’t have visitors.”

She tilted her head.  “So you’re not going to turn us in to the authorities?”

The teacher was taken aback by her inquiry.  “Oh, heavens no!  Why would I do that?  I like to dabble in my weird science with Shilo, and you practice your own weird science with age regression.  Derrek is a wonderful boy regardless of his age.  He’s certainly a pleasure to have in class compared to the rest of the animals.  I don’t want to lose him.”

“Well I’m kind of surprised, Major, that you’re totally okay with it.”

“Of course I am … though I have to admit his singing was a bit foul-mouthed as he role-played Johnny Meeks this morning.  But I guess when you’re five years old, it all comes out sounding ‘cute’.  I’m sure little Johnny is listening from his bedroom down the hall right now.”

“Major, don’t you even want to know how it happens?”

“Shilo and I have already figured that out, Sammantha.  If you recall, Principal Glass sent a note to all of Derrek’s teachers informing us that the boy was allergic to ordinary water … and he would break out in hives if water touched his skin.  If that happens, we aren’t supposed to call 911.  We should throw a blanket on him and call you directly.”

“So you figured out my cover story.”

The teacher began smoking his imaginary pipe again.  “Derrek gets younger when he touches water.  The science behind it is your business.  I’ve got my hands full with Shilo … but if you ever need me to back you up, I would do my best.”

“Major, would it be alright if I let the five-year-old boy out of his bedroom?”

“This is your home, Sammantha.  If he wants to, then please do.”

I didn’t wait for a formal invitation.  I burst past Daniel and ran down the short hall to the dining room.  I was giddy, and my high pitched voice showed it.

“Shilo!  Shilo!  You’re here!  Everybody in school loves you!  You look really funny, Shilo!  Where’s the rest of you?  Are you under the table?”

The disembodied head gave me a big laugh and a smile.  “Johnny!  Calm down!  You’re so excited.”

“I am, Shilo, but I’m not Johnny anymore.  I’m Derrek.”

“Stand up straight, Derrek.  I’m measuring you with my electronic eye as one inch taller than you were this morning.”

“That’s right, Shilo!  I’m six years old now.  I grow back up one year every half day.”

Major Victum nodded.  “Ahhh, so that’s why you told everyone that Derrek would be back on Friday.”

“Yeah, so once I get back to twelve, Mommy puts a teaspoon of water on my wrist each night to keep me at twelve.”

“Derrek,” said Shilo, “I’m trying to understand human logic.  Why would a 28 year old man want to go back to school with twelve-year-olds in the seventh grade?”

“Because my first mommy wouldn’t let me play any school sports … and I really wanted to because it’s fun and I make new friends.”

“Yes, thank you.  I understand now.  So Dr. Adams is your second mommy?”

“Yes, Shilo.  Even though we’re role-playing, I love her very much just like in the picture.”

“Picture?”

“Wait, Shilo.”  I ran back to Sammantha’s bedroom and picked up the printout of the Guayasamin painting.

“See, Shilo, this is like us … Mommy embracing son.”

Shilo studied the picture.  “This is wonderful, Derrek.  I completely understand the symbolism of this work.”

“You’re so nice, Shilo.  Can you be my babysitter?”

“Perhaps if I had a few more appendages, Derrek.  Besides, in three days you’ll be too old for one.”

“Can I sing you another song?”

“No,” insisted the teacher.  “We heard enough this morning.”

“But I still have your songs inside me, Derrek,” said Shilo.  “Listen to my voice replicator …  ‘Grandma got molested at the airport’.”

Sammantha looked up.  “Huh?  That sounded exactly like Derrek’s voice.”

“It’s all electronics, Dr. Adams.  With a voice synthesizer, I can purport to be anyone, which is another danger of AI.  There are already cases of imposter grandchildren shaking down Grandma for money …  Tell me, are there other humans who can alter their age?”

In my high voice, I answered, “So far, I only know of one.”

“That would be me,” Daniel volunteered, raising a hand.  I’m Daniel Prestek.”

Shilo blinked.  “I wish to Google you, Mr. Prestek.”

“Go right ahead.”

“Okay, the news article says you are an attorney who disappeared two years ago.”

“Well, I’m back now.  My secretary age-regressed me to twelve and kept me as a sex slave till Dr. Adams and Derrek rescued me.”

“How awful ... and how good of your two friends.  Why is kidnapping so common?”

“It’s not, Shilo.  We all just have to be careful.”

--KNOCK-- … --KNOCK—

Major asked quietly, “Were you expecting someone?”

Sammantha shook her head and gave us the ‘shoosh’ signal with her finger … then tiptoed to the door.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“It’s me … Hoshiko … I can hear Shilo’s voice through the door!”

A small panic ensued.  Sammantha quickly gave everyone a wave with both hands indicating we should all get the hell out of the dining room.

Major whispered in Sammantha’s ear, “Hold Shilo by the back of her hair and just let the girl see her face when you crack open the door … Act natural.”

“Easy for you to say.”

Sammantha did as told and used her left hand to hold the disembodied head in front of of her chest in a tilted angle.  Their heights seemed to fit this position.  Sammantha was 5 foot 8 and Shilo, when fully assembled, was 5 foot 2. 

Sammantha used her right hand to crack open the door just a few inches, but wasn’t sure what to say.  It didn’t matter.  The head spoke first, offering a big smile.

“Kon'nichiwa, Hoshiko!  Mata oaidekiteur eshidesu!  (Welcome, Hoshiko.  It is good to see you again.)

The young girl was ecstatic.  “Shilo!  Watashi mo minasan ni o ai dekiru no o totemo tanoshimini shiteimasu!  (I am very excited to see you too!)  Darakatoms no apato de nani o shite iru nodesu ka?  (What are you doing in Darakatoms’ apartment?)

This was an historically awkward encounter.  An outside observer would have assumed that Sammantha was holding a ventriloquist’s dummy’s head, rather than one of the most sophisticated computers on the planet.

Shilo answered the question, “Shosa wa, Derrek ga kuromu bukku de sugaku no jugyo ni akusesu dekiru ka do ka o kakunin suru tame ni tachiyotte hoshi to watashi ni iimashita.  (Major asked me to stop by to make sure that Derrek could access the math lesson on his chromebook.)

“Oh, Watashi wa Darakatoms ni chiri-gaku to ikimonogaku no wakushito o watasu tame ni tachiyorimashita.”  (Oh, and I stopped by to give Darakatoms the worksheets from Geography and Biology classes.)  Ima Darakatoms ni atte mo daijobudesuka?  (Would it be okay if I saw Darakatoms now?)

“Gomen'nasai, Hoshiko. Derrek wa nete imasu.”  (I’m so sorry, Hoshiko.  Derrek is sleeping.)

“Sate, haitte mo idesu ka?”  (Well, can I come in?)

“Gomen'nasai, Hoshiko.  Dr. Adams to watashi wa doresu o shichaku shite imasu. Watashitachi wa matomode wa arimasen.  (I’m so sorry, Hoshiko.  Dr. Adams and I are trying on dresses.  We’re not decent.)

“Oh, sawagase shite gomen'nasai, Dr. Adams.  Darakatoms no wakushito o uketotte kudasai.  Sionara.”  (Oh, I am sorry to disturb you, Dr. Adams.  Please take Darakatoms’s worksheets.  Goodbye.)

Shilo concluded with, “Arigato …Sionara, Hoshiko.”  (Thank you, goodbye.)

Sammantha gently shut the door and switched Shilo’s head over to her right hand.  “Geez, Shilo, your head is so heavy … It’s like holding a bowling ball.”

“Sorry, Dr. Adams, but I must congratulate you on performing that bit a trickery quite well.  Had you dropped me and allowed the girl to see my head rolling on the floor, the human response of ‘fainting’ would probably have occurred.”

“But really, Shilo … ‘Trying on dresses’ is the best excuse you could offer her?  And we’re nowhere remotely close in size.”

“Could you have thought of something more believable, Dr. Adams?”

“How about ‘We’re having a Japanese orgy’?”

“I’m not sure I follow you, Dr. Adams.”

“Never might that, Shilo.  I’m curious.  How many different languages do you speak?”

“I was originally programmed in Japanese, but today, I am fluent in all 7,139 world languages … And that includes the varieties of local dialects … keeping in mind that the number could fluctuate daily.”

I ran up to Sammantha and tapped the top of the head she was holding.  “Shilo, Nuk Dak Och Pooch Pah Eh?”

“Ohhhhh, you little stinker, Derrek!  You’re trying to trick me but it won’t work.  You’re asking me ‘Where is the bathroom’?”

“In what language, Shilo?”

“Klingon, obviously.  You must watch The Big Bang Theory.”

“Mommy, why are you holding Shilo by her ears?  You look like Lyndon Johnson picking up his beagle.”