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areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement (1 viewing) (1) Guests
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TOPIC: areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement
vended (User)
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Re:areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement 4 Years, 3 Months ago Karma: 7  
Thanks for the explanations.

I found the scientist mental regression well portrayed, for sure. All her reactions and shown thoughts, the fun she has, the fear of being punished by a grown up, made it logical as you said how at the end she's easily convinced by actually silly arguments from the daughter to remain a little girl.
She's so relieved she got out of troubles she don't even realise she's being tricked, won't have the antidote, forgive Candi for what she wanted to do with her; and don't care anymore about all of that. ^^
You've almost said it all, though, so I'm not going to do it again. There's just also the bits about language, the increasingly childish way of speaking and the lack of english skills which were a nice touch to the mental AR. The lines and dialogs were excellent.

So, the mental slips were well done, and indeed it's a bit stupid of her to have done this that way even though she was a scientist, or even just someone quite intelligent. I don't do drugs, but even I know you don't try a new drug without someone else staying sober do be the control guy. Quite telling. ^^'

I still find that her later regression -she don't end up under four, by the way, does she? - was a bit fast, though. I wondered for a moment why she changed hair_style_ and clothes and then realised it was an ellipse and she used the serum again. Even if you wanted it to be an ellipse, it could have done with one or two panel to show her thoughts process toward it, in my opinion. Something like "I'm having so much fun." "Oh, but mommy won't let me play with these or with baby candi, I'm a big girl" "I know what to do!" Would have seemed more natural for her to end up with that decision, I think.

It's a really good thing you changed the plot to include more of the indian woman, it really improved it. A sole mother/daughter swap could have been too boring without all her interactions with the characters.
The original _script_ do indeed sound darker - too bad the story isn't sold anymore - if what the daughter did was unjustified. Whatever bad situation a characters end up in, if he was obviously portrayed as bad and "deserving" what happened to him in the eyes of the reader, it's not really *that* dark. I'm not at all saying it would have been better that way, though.

Couldn't have been a Twilight Zone story without a narrative introduction and conclusion, yes. The story which look the most like it here imo would be "The Infinite Shape", if you haven't read it.

The sort of "Subconsciously aware but not truly aware" regression is indeed quite hard to do, that's why I find your rich girl story standing out as neat. I almost thought we were going to see it again when Candi is throwing her tantrum while regressing. But it's unclear whether she was simply distracted and still wouldn't have been aware of it if her daughter hadn't told her, *and* having the time to look at herself.

I'm really curious to know what you mean by some hidden symbolism in it. If they're visual, I didn't notice, if not, maybe the way the daughter end up exactly as mean as she thought her mother was, and doing to her what Candi planned for her daughter? I'm eagerly awaiting the explanation, anyways.

You did make me go through the pages and notice the clock in the nursery is stuck on 13H00, though. XD
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Oni (User)
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Re:areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement 4 Years, 3 Months ago Karma: -2  
Oh yes, VERY stupid of them to go at the same time, and many of my stories revolve around a character doing somethng stupid. In this case however there were extenuating circumstances that allowed the action to make some more sense.

1. Mari is in a hurry to change her appearance before she is sought.
2. Candice is impatient to get her youth back.
3. They are in a locked house with the antidote.
4. Neither thought the regression would go that far.

In a sense the universe set up a near perfect storm of events; or the author did, heh.

Yeah, the second regression was quick. I wanted the readers to see Mari at a cuter age but I also felt the pace of the story had already hit the climax and we were winding down into epilogue so no reason to drag things out. Also, the regression was only from older to younger childhood so not much change to see.

Oh, and I was vague with her age on purpose. I wanted the reader to wonder if she had gone too far, had been wrong about memory loss, was muddled with youththul thoughts, or even if she was faking. We shall see, maybe.
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Louder (User)
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Re:areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement 4 Years, 3 Months ago Karma: 4  
Great job. I always like Twilight Zone inspired or _style_ stories. Very cool seeing you two collaborate!

It almost inspired me to try and do a story I've had brewing for years that had the stolen youth formula setup, but then I realized I still have the same problem I've always had with it... the ending! I can't figure out a pay off for it.

I've even started writing it hoping something would hit me as I was typing it out but the wheels still came off.

The setup is this:
Middleaged married couple. Husband works at some kind of facility/lab. Could be government. Contractual. Mysterious. Who knows? ...And may not even be important exactly who runs the place. Or maybe my ending lies in figuring that part out?

So, the guy (apparently.. allegedly?) steals some of the formula and brings it home to keep where he has a home office/lab/study in the _base_ment. The effects are temporary (24 hours?) and he doesn't use it but always wants his wife to use. De-aging her to early 20's. So the story picks up not at the start, but instead from the wife's point of view after using it a few times at her husband's urging. And she's came to view it as more of an illicit drug. She's also gotten a little weary of him wanting her to be younger for him (wondering if that means he doesn't like her as she is?).

Just as someone who has decided they are an alcoholic or drug addict might decide they don't like what alcohol does to them, or what drugs do to them, she decides she doesn't like what the youth potion does to her. Besides making her look younger, it makes her act and feel younger. Which at first she really liked. But then she began to realize she made bad decisions being so young. Her passions sometimes overran her patience. She didn't like being so vain about her looks but when she took the formula, she suddenly found herself not just wanting to look 'nice' but to 'flaunt' her youth and good looks. She liked to flirt and tease. She wanted to be sexy. Issues with jealousy. And ultimately, she felt being 20 again was turning her into someone she no longer is and someone she doesn't want to be again. She just wasn't comfortable once she returned to her real age remembering the things she'd done and said and how immature she'd been. It's not that she loses her memories necessarily, it's just that her mind regresses into a younger, intoxicating persona.

So she decides she's not doing the formula again. And the story is picking up on this point and so it begins with her reflecting on why she doesn't want to do it again.
But of course, it's the weekend and the husband wants her to do it again. So there's a long discussion. She's adamantly against it. The husband keeps trying to sweet talk her. Ultimately, explaining the formula is almost gone. He's always refused to use it himself arguing that he could be called in to his job at any time and so would be found out if he was 20 years younger then (and in fact, even when the wife has used it, they either have to stay home or go far away so nobody will recognize her or see him with a 20ish year old and start asking questions).

So with him still refusing to use it himself, even with her trying to make a deal about splitting it, and the fact he says this will be the last time because there is no more, she finally agrees.

So he goes downstairs and returns with a portion measured out in a beaker. And she relucantly accepts it and drinks it.
Then the process starts and almost immediately she goes from being hesitant to acceptance and wondering why she was so reluctant in the first place. The younger she gets, the more she thinks the 'old' her was crazy for not wanting to be young again. Totally getting lost in the intoxification of her youth. Time for a clothes change and admiring herself. Etc.
And then with her feeling great, dressed in something sexy, and young again, the phone rings.

It's the lab and they need him there. So he has to leave his young wife and implores her not to let anyone see her like this or else they might recognize her.

He leaves for the lab.

So now she's at home. Young. And now her emotions are getting the better of her. She's equal parts bored, mad, and jealous. She begins to wonder if her husband is having an affair with his lab assistant. Was the call a trick to get them together? And even if the call was legitimate, why didn't he just say no and stay with her? She begins to think selfishly of herself more than his job. And she wonders even more about the lab assistant. She finally convinces herself he's out having an affair and she's stuck at home.
She wanders around the house and ultimately downstairs to his office/lab. And there she notices he's left a normally locked cabinet open. Curious, she opens it and there's plenty more of the youth formula. So now she's even madder because he lied to her about this being the last of it. And then she gets an idea...

She decides if she's a teenager nobody could possibly recognize her and if they did they'd think they were crazy to think it could really be her. At worst she could claim to be a niece. So she measures out enough of the formula to end up 16 or 17 thinking from her early 20's perspective that 16 or 17 isn't really THAT young. She finds something appropriate to wear and heads out for a few hours.

But what she didn't consider or worry about is the formula has made her even more immature at this age. Maybe throw in a bit of problems thinking about her husband as a boyfriend more than or sometimes instead of her husband. Could have a wedding ring falling off scenario in here too.
So now teenage things... Fast food place. Ice Cream place. Mall. Park. Something. And there she meets other teens and ends up interested in one of them.

- So at that point I've got the story pretty well _frame_d. Now it starts going off the rails a bit. One scenario I thought of was the teens using a house they could get into because the owner was out of town, for some late night swimming and drinking in the pool. And the police being called on them by a neighbor. The kids all scattering and her ultimately being caught by one of the policeman, who, seeing her in her bikini (or underwear I suppose) and seeing her 'innocent' act gives her his coat and ultimately takes her 'home' instead of arresting her and calling her 'parents' (when she gives him a story about staying with her 'aunt' who is working late, but she promises never to do this again).

So at this point, being all lovesick and conflicted about this new boy versus her husband, and losing this new boy that she doesn't know how to find thanks to the police, she ultimately decides she wouldn't be so lovesick and confused if she was younger. She she uses more of the formula.
14 maybe?

But for some chaos I thought about the boy showing up at her house now after following them. But the boy has to wait until the cop has left. And the cop had sat outside in his car watching until he felt she wasn't just going to leave again. And so now he finally drives off and it's clear for the boy to go to the door.
But now she's 14. And the dude doesn't quite understand because she looked older before, but he wants no part of this. So he's gone. And now it's worse than ever for her. So she drinks more potion feeling that she needs to lose these 'grownup' thoughts.

And now she's 10 or younger. There could even be a way to work the idea into a couple of steps. Maybe she tries to explain what is going on to the boy and has him try the formula too before she ends up 10. But then that leaves the problem of how to get him out of the story because I can think of no reason for him to be there then. So I always liked the idea of him just thinking he mistook a 14 year as older or something.

And then I figure somehow maybe the lab assistant does come into the picture. Maybe the wife was right about the affair all along. Or maybe the lab assistant had figured out about the stolen formula and had plans for it herself. Husband could be in on the plans, or in trouble himself? The lab assistant could expect the wife to be younger, but not that young, or totally shocked by it. Maybe it gives her an idea. Or it works perfectly into her 'plan'?
Basically... this is the point I have nothing. Nothing ever hit me to tie a bow around the story and get it to a payoff. I like the setup. But I can't get it anywhere.
Maybe you guys have something?
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Oni (User)
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Re:areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement 4 Years, 3 Months ago Karma: -2  
Quite complicated.

I'd go with the assistant having a crush and taking this opportunity to further youthen the wife. The twist being that her worry over nothing caused it to happen.

But then I'm half awake now with two drinks in me so what do I know?
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kira (User)
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Re:areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement 4 Years, 3 Months ago Karma: 3  
I like your work but I hope that sometime you might do some free comics again.
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vended (User)
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Re:areg5 and Dark Oni comic announcement 4 Years, 3 Months ago Karma: 7  
You're saying that like he's not doing much of these anymore, ^^' but Areg actually alternate pretty evenly between free and on sale comics.

Look at the respective album on DA :
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