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Re:Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum (1 viewing) (1) Guests
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TOPIC: Re:Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum
#15857
bribri666 (User)
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Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum 5 Years, 2 Months ago Karma: 0  
Hi all!

Before the loss of data on the archive, I posted an excerpt of a story I was in the process of writing called Support Group. I got some positive feedback on the sample I posted, but that story has been put on hold for a time, and I have begun work on a new story _title_d "Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum" and I could use some feedback on the opening to the story.

I am writing it as one piece initially to ease the writing process for myself, but I will edit it and post it as chapters here on the archive and I just wanted to post a sample of the first few paragraphs to see if it seems ok to you folks beforehand. I do have an outline for how it will turn out and I should have it completed in the next week or two depending on time and whatever else that comes up.

All feedback and criticism are welcome and encouraged.

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“Dammit!” exclaimed the woman in the driver’s seat. She was exhausted from driving for such a long time. She had been on the road for over 8 hours now without really a break in her driving, having only stopped 2 hours back for a restroom break and grabbing a water and a granola bar from the overpriced vending machines that inhabited the rest stop she stopped at. She was determined to leave it all behind, driving with a determination and an intent to get away from her ex, leaving behind not only a part of herself, but an entire chapter of her life that had turned out to be a mistake, feeling pangs of regret that were not skipping a beat and giving her a fair bit of anxiety.

This was not entirely in vain, however. She did have a destination in mind, but she was under the false assumption that speeding like a bat out of hell would get her there infinitely faster, and spied a state highway patrolman a fair distance back in her rearview mirror and decided that easing off the gas pedal to within a couple miles of the posted speed limit probably wasn’t a bad idea, considering any excuses she could come up with probably wouldn’t justify the 95 miles she was going in the posted 65. Thankfully, the officer was quite a few cars back so there was still a fair amount of time to not draw attention to herself. Although her anxiety DID pick back up when she saw the patrol vehicle speed up a little to 1 car behind her and turn his flashers on, but eased up a bit when the officer pulled into an adjacent lane and sped off to something more pressing than ticketing a middle aged mother of one. She relaxed a bit once this happened, but decided to stay at the current speed and put her car into cruise control to set her mind at ease. She focused on the freeway and the surrounding faceless rock formations while observing the other traffic on the road.

Almost as if on queue, “Mommy, are we there yet?” piped a tiny voice from the seemingly distant backseat.

“No sweetie,” replied the woman, “we’ve still got a little ways to go yet to get to the new house.”

“Will we be there soon?” the little girl’s voice squeaked.

“Yes, baby. Mommy promises we’ll be there very soon. We still have plenty of daylight and I know we’ll be there before dark. Do you need to try to potty again? You know it’s ok if you do. Mommy can stop again if you want. You do have training pants on in case you do oopsies. You know that, right?”

“Yes Mommy. I know. I don’t have to go potty but I just want to get to new home. This car ride is boring.”

“I know baby. Mommy isn’t having much fun either. Perhaps we need a distraction huh?”

It was then that the woman started looking around for billboards or signs for anything that would prove some sort of museum or other roadside attraction to give her and her little girl a much needed break, or at least one that was longer than the meager 15 minutes she allowed herself at the rest stop. She was getting fatigued as well as exhausted and suddenly realized that pushing herself so hard to get away might not be the smartest idea that she ever had. The hard part had already passed, getting away from the ex-husband and the regret of what she perceived to be a wasted life, 10 years down the drain, she was certain the ink on the divorce papers hadn’t even dried yet. More importantly, she worried about Dierdre, or Deedee, as she called her youngest, and worried if the divorce was going to gnaw on the child as much as it was gnawing on her. She wasn’t even sure the next time Deedee would see her father, let alone when she was going to. Visitation would be something they would have to sort out in the coming weeks, but for now, resting was the only thing she was going to be sorting out.
 
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#15858
RegressingAger (User)
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Re:Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum 5 Years, 2 Months ago Karma: 7  
Great stuff bribri666. This read more like a teaser than a rough draft. With three paragraphs and a short exchange of dialogue I have a pretty good idea of who and what the main character is despite not even knowing her name.

I really hope you can post this story soon to the archive. This story has a lot of possibilities _base_d on what you have set up, I can't wait to see what will happen to this mother and daughter. I also hope you can make more progress on your Support Group story as well.
 
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#15861
bribri666 (User)
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Re:Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum 5 Years, 2 Months ago Karma: 0  
Thanks for the kind words Alessi.

The story is now officially finished, and I have corrected spelling errors, where applicable outside of names and baby talk, and after I have given it a read through tomorrow, to make sure everything is where I want and needs to be. I will post it into chapters.

Judging by the number of hits this thread has gotten in only a couple of days, I hope all of these readers will read the finished piece.

As for Support Group, that may never be finished. It filled a gap in time for me when I wrote it, and I would need some serious reconstruction and shifting of bits and pieces to cobble it together. All I can say on that is 'We'll see!'
 
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#15862
ElisaEve1985 (User)
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Re:Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum 5 Years, 2 Months ago Karma: -3  
I liked it a lot, I can't wait to read the completed story!
 
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#15863
bribri666 (User)
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Re:Old Lady Abigail's Doll Museum 5 Years, 2 Months ago Karma: 0  
ElisaEve1985 wrote:
I liked it a lot, I can't wait to read the completed story!

And no longer you have to! The wait is over!

The story is ready to read in its entirety! Please leave a review whether or not you liked it. I would like to know how you liked the whole thing.
 
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